| (no subject) |
[Apr. 10th, 2008|11:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Galician Set - Cluan | ] |
I am so so so so so so sick.
God is cruel and evil to do this to me.
My head is in a vice, I think I have an ear infection, phlegm is choking me slowly by making me having five minute coughing fits.... I can't even talk because I start coughing too much. Other than a couple of very short phone conversations, I've been absolutely silent for two days now. I think I may be going nuts from my being cut off from the rest of the world.
Honestly.
Does anyone know any voodoo tricks to deal with illness? I made a crazy witches brew that my voice teacher gave me the recipe for, and it helped a bit, but in the end this is just too much of a beast.
And the awesome part is I called the doc's office to get an appointment and they said they had absolutely no time till May. Bastards.... I hate health care in this country. So much.
Blegh.
In other news, I'm going to a Giants game on Saturday with my pal Mal. Hehe... "pal Mal".... Anywho.... I refuse to let this illness prevent me from going. I love both baseball and San Francisco too much to miss a trip into the city. Not to mention it's a free ticket. Good times.
Lila is currently riding a yak somewhere around the Himalayas. God, I really miss her. I feel like she's been gone for like a year even though it's only been since Christmas. I've only got a month before she's back though, so that's good at least. I wish I could just fast forward to then. I don't do well without her I've realized. I mean, I can function. But things just don't feel right. Not at all. We've had our fair share of issues (most of them being my fault), but what we have is really great. And not having that dynamic in my life makes everything way less fun. And I miss being able to be the complete dork I am with her without fear of being judged for anything. I found my best friend ever in her, and not having that is so detrimental to my sanity (even though we can completely drive each other insane at times). I love her more than anything, and unfortunately I think it took us being apart for a while to sort ourselves out separately to be able to fully trust in that.
Relationships are nuts. Full of imperfections and compromise and arguments and laughter and angst and happiness and heartache.
I can't wait to have that back in a month.
Okay. I'm off to suck up some tea and drugs.
Hope everyone is well!
-Caitlin |
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| Sometimes you've just gotta kick yourself in the ass a bit.... |
[Jan. 28th, 2008|08:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
So, I've taken this past weekend to implement some new breathing techniques and have now moved from the "ohshitwhatthefuckamIdoingthisisallgoingtohell" level, to the "okay..... maybe this isn't so bad and I should just trust in myself and keep moving forward" level.
It's been a nice transition.
I sat down, did my homework, designed some new ads for the Drag Show, re-connected with some people, and tried to visualize what it feels like when Lila gives me a hug. That made me feel better. And then I laughed at myself for being such a sappy idiot. And then I realized, "what the hell!" Sometimes it's good to be sappy. As long as it doesn't happen too often and I don't start using terms like "honeybear", "pookie", or "light-of-my-life". If that happens you all have permission to shoot me in the leg and then throw my body into a pool of hungry piranhas with sharpened teeth.
How would you sharpen a piranhas teeth? Ponder that for a moment......
God, I'm a real dork sometimes. Most times.....
Today my sister turned 16. That is odd. It's hard for me to reconcile this too-cool-for-school L.A. scenester kid with the 6 year old who loved Barbies, the color pink, and dressing Fico up as Mulan. But she's way more sane than I ever was as a teenager, that's for sure. I bet my parents are thankful for that one. I think I spent 60% of my sophmore year grounded or being yelled at. Granted a lot of it wasn't necessarily my fault solely, but I was still a moody handful from hell.
This week is the kickoff of Caitlin's "work on your damn technique or face the consequences" month/lifetime! It's all starting off with a wonderful trip to the ENT Doc to get a camera shoved down my throat to make sure I didn't scramble anything up during what I like to call "The Belter Years" or "Musical Theatre Extraordinaire", and then I proceed to kick my ass into gear and actually commit to my practice sessions instead of just half-assing it. I get really self-conscious about my voice. It's an issue that keeps my from practicing in a healthy way, and I need to get over myself. I guess part of that is realizing that those hang-ups are old, and both my voice and I have vastly developed from when I first developed this irrational anxiety as basically a shy kid.
Does anyone else have issues similar to that? I mean, I freak out at criticism and take it way too personally which is something I'm working on and have finally started to be able to deal with. I just am a total whore for approval and that led me into some very bad habits both vocally and mentally. I think it's one of the reasons I like performing so much, because when you're good, you know it. There's a bunch of people clapping for you and you can see the reactions in their faces. The evidence of approval is immediate. But man, if you fail, you fail hard. That's fucking scary. I just need to learn to accept it as an inevitability that not everyone will like me without taking it too much to heart. That's a toughie. But if I want to be able to make this work vocally, I have to make it work mentally.
Sorry. The ranting helps me work it out in my head.
Hope everyone is well!
-Caitlin |
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| Totally fucked. |
[Jan. 21st, 2008|04:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  predatory | ] |
So, I parked in the wrong place in front of my apartment, and I came home last night to find my car missing. So after calling about 30 different tow companies and leaving several unanswered messages with the Stockton PD, now I have to pay $300 to get my car out of impound. I frankly don't have $300 to throw around after bills and rent.
It's totally one of those idiotic moments when you look around and go, "yes.... this is what it's like to be completely fucked."
Just the icing on the cake that is this fucking perfect week.
In other news, I've never felt this violent in my life. Normally a pacifist, I'm quite amazed with my capacity for bloodthirst right now.
I think I need to detox.
Any suggestions?
-Caitlin |
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| New Years Survey |
[Dec. 31st, 2007|12:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
Being home and bored off my ass has prompted me to do this survey.
THIS YEAR:
[PEOPLE]
Best Friend: Lila of course
Lost any Friends: Not necessarily. It's more like just natural shifting to different places. I don't think I've ever lost any friends, only moved in different places.
Gained any Friends: In 2007? Yeah, I guess so. Although, overall my friend rate stays at a pretty constant place.
[PLACES]
Went out of the country?: No, but that's what 2008 is for.
Moved: Yeah, a couple times.
New school: Yeah, and there'll be more of that to come in 2008 as well. Yeesh...
[YOU]
Have you changed: I would like to think so.
New look: Not really. I got a bad haircut over the summer that I almost killed someone over but that was about it.
Most depressed time this year: Early January, most of July and August, and right now. I guess my hard times center around winter and summer. Maybe that's why I like spring and fall so much.
[LOVE]
did you get heartbroken: More like bruised. I sure doled out the pain, let me tell ya.
who was your summer love: Summer was a time of frustration and confusion. But if we cut through the layers of that, it was Lila.
[SEASONS]
Favorite Season: Spring was bad this year.
Least favorite season: Well, summer sucked, but I really liked doing POI, So probably winter.
good birthday?: Yeah it was fun this year. 2008 will be better though since I will finally be able to start a bar fight legally.
Any snow this year: Lots of ice, a little hail, but no snow.
[FINAL QUESTIONS]
Got arrested: nope
Kissed a girl: Well, duh.
Had a crush: Yup
Got dumped: Nope.
Dumped someone: Not really.
Lost a family member: Nope.
Kept a secret: Loads of 'em.
Told a secret: Actually, no. I should give myself a pat on the back for being an upright citizen for once.
Done something you totally regret: Yeah. Definetely.
In 2007 I...
[x] made new bestfriends
[ ] fallen out of love
[x] lied
[ ] cried over a broken heart
[x] disappointed someone close
[x] hid a secret
[x] pretended to be happy
[ ] kissed in the rain
[x] slept under the stars
[ ] kept your new years resolution
[x] forgot your new years resolution
[x] met someone who changed my life
[ ] met one of your idols
[ ] changed your outlook on life
[x] sat home all day doing nothing
[ ] left the country
[ ] almost died
[x] given up something important to you
[ ] lost something expensive
[x] learned something new about yourself
[x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
[x] made a change in your life
[ ] found out who your true friends were
[x] met great people
[x] stayed up til sunrise
[x] pigged out over the summer
[x] cried over the silliest thing
[ ] was never home on weekends
[ ] got into a car accident
[x] had friends who were drifting away from you
[x] had a high cell phone bill
[x] spent the most money on food
[ ] saw a fist fight
[ ] went to the beach (I can't believe i went a whole year without going to the beach....I suck.)
[x] saw a celebrity
[x] gotten sick
[ ] liked more than 1 person at the same time
[x] became closer to a lot of people
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 2008...
1. Will you be looking for a new job?
Yeah I'm in the process right now. Now if only Apple would call me back....
2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
NO
3. New house?
Maybe in about six or seven months.
4. What will you do different in 08?
I want to take way more initiative with my life. I want to take steps toward finding more confidence in myself.
5. New Years resolution?
Be happy with myself.
6. What will you NOT be doing in 08?
Regis Philbin.
7. Any trips planned?
Possibly Europe, definetely a Vegas trip over the summer.
8. Wedding plans?
God no. I just realized the other day that my mother and father got married when they were respectively 21 and 22. And then they had me when they were 23 and 24. I take a look at myself at this age, and realize they must have been completely fuckin' insane with no regard to solidifying any source of income for the rest of their lives. So, marriage is a) not legal for me in this state at least and b) not to be thought about for at least 7 more years. Besides, I don't need a freaking piece of paper to validate anything. I'll get off my soapbox now.....
9. Major thing on your calendar?
When Lila comes home from India in June and/or when I meet up with her in May. Also my 21st birthday!
10. What can't you wait for?
Summer.
11. What would you like to see happen differently?
Lots of things.
12. What about yourself will you be changing?
Once again, lots of things.
13. What happened in 07 that you didn't think would ever happen?
I moved out of SoCal and into an apartment with Lila.
14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
Maybe.... but teasing is so fun.
15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 07?
Proabably not. Although I was planning on trying to singlehandedly bring back tube tops. You think?
17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
My relationship with my family has already been bettered this past year, so hopefully that will continue.
18. Will you do charity work?
Definetely.
19. Will you go to bars?
Maybe a handful. I'm not really a club/bar person.
20. Will you be nice to people you dont know?
I always am.
21. Do you expect '08 to be a good year for you?
I think it just might turn out to be a good year, yes. We'll see.
22. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
A pretty significant amount.
23. Do you plan on having a child?
Ask me again in ten years, but definetely not in 2008. That would make me the mother of a new messiah and I don't think I could handle the pressure.
24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
Hopefully.
25. Major lifestyle changes?
I'm straight.
Just kidding.
27. What will you make sure doesn't happen in 08 that happened in 07?
I'm saying "lots of things" a lot, but.... Lots of things.
28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
I'm here at my house with my family, and all the old IVRT people are coming over, and I'm being forced to participate in a cookoff. I think I may sneak out the back and order in...... But it'll be nice to have fun with Chanel and Nat. And it'll be good to see Auntie Ho and Chanlon again not to mention the rest of the gang.
29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
I would... But that someone just celebrated New Years 3 hours ago in South Central India about 8,731 miles away.
30. One wish for 2008?
To find happiness within myself.
And an end to the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict.........riiiiight.......
I hope all of you have wonderful times tonight! May your glass stay constantly full, and may your drunk dialing go without repercussions at the start of this new year!
L'chaim!
-Caitlin |
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| Insert foot in mouth. |
[Dec. 21st, 2007|10:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pleased | ] |
So.... I take back my harsh words.
Sweeney Todd was awesome.
Yes, that's right. The bitchy, snobby, purist in me was won over and thinks you should all go see it as well and support Sondheim in his golden years.
I did miss the chorus though. But, when in the theatre, treat it as an opera; when in the movies, treat it as a silent horror film.
And the significant amount of spraying blood was an added bonus.
-Caitlin |
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| I put it in the credenza! |
[Nov. 1st, 2007|10:21 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
Hello, all!
I hope everyone's Halloween was well spent! I chose to stay home and watch "Evil Dead II" and "Psycho Beach Party" back to back. For a total geek like me, it was time well spent.
Speaking of movies, I saw "Lars and the Real Girl" last weekend. Ryan Gosling is absolutely fantabulous in it (yes, fantabulous), and for a movie about a sex doll it was quite heartwarming and sweet. Go see it at a Laemmle near you!
Netflix has been my God lately. I've been devouring DVD's like they freaking ambrosia (and not ambrosia salad which I find disgusting and horrific, the Mt. Olympus kind of ambrosia). And lately, the Netflix machine has been feeding my inner gay man with everything from "Absolutely Fabulous" to "The Lady in Question is Charles Busche", to "A Star is Born". I think my inner gay man is around 50 something, has a strong relationship with his widowed aging mother, and does drag in front of the comfort of his own full length mirror in his bedroom. On weekends he buys rush tickets to the opera and silently curses the fact that no one is or was better than Maria Callas, and woe betide the person who starts any comparisons. He then goes home, makes some tea, and puts on an old recording of "Un bel di vedremo" by, let's say Renata Scotto, and proceeds to organize his headshot collection of famous female screen stars: Bette Davis, Rosalind Russell, Judy Garland, Rita Hayworth, etc.......
I think I'd like to meet my inner gay man. We're so alike, and yet so different. I mean, I definately don't have a widowed aging mother and I've done drag in front of large crowds of people. I don't particularly enjoy Maria Callas or even "Madame Butterfly" for that matter, although I do find that aria beautiful of course. And I don't have a collection of headshots of screen stars from the 30's through 50's......... yet......... My autographed Rosalind Russell check and black and white photo are on their way to be custom framed and mounted........
For those in the Northerny area of California, the University of the Pacific PRIDE Alliance now has a website at www.pacificpridealliance.org. It's a work in progress that I'm making a lot of changes to, but check it out and join us at our future events. There's also an awesome podcasting feature where we archive our meetings, and every once in a while, I get bored and do my own thing.
Another revelation: I've turned into a video game nerd as well! This seems to be fairly recent, but with the recent purchase of a PS3, I find myself well versed in the art of game speak and play. By the way, Guitar Hero 3 is awesome. Although, with Kim away in France, it's just not nearly as much fun as it could be.
In other news, I'm singing in a masterclass hosted by the Stockton Symphony on November 16th at 5 Pm. If for some reason you're around the area, come watch! It's going to be at the Pacific recital hall.
Also in other news: I plan to be piss drunk in an Irish pub on my 21st birthday this year! More on that as details arise!
-Caitlin
P.S. - James Lipton was a pimp. I knew it all along. |
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| YES! |
[Oct. 19th, 2007|08:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
J.K. Rowling Outs Hogwarts Character
Friday, October 19, 2007 10:46:37 PM
By HILLEL ITALIE
Harry Potter fans, the rumors are true: Albus Dumbledore, master wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay. J.K. Rowling, author of the mega-selling fantasy series that ended last summer, outed the beloved character Friday night while appearing before a full house at Carnegie Hall.
After reading briefly from the final book, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," she took questions from audience members.
She was asked by one young fan whether Dumbledore finds "true love."
"Dumbledore is gay," the author responded to gasps and applause.
She then explained that Dumbledore was smitten with rival Gellert Grindelwald, whom
Other Entertainment Photos
J.K. Rowling Outs Hogwarts Character
he defeated long ago in a battle between good and bad wizards. "Falling in love can blind us to an extent," Rowling said of Dumbledore's feelings, adding that Dumbledore was "horribly, terribly let down."
Dumbledore's love, she observed, was his "great tragedy."
"Oh, my god," Rowling concluded with a laugh, "the fan fiction."
Potter readers on fan sites and elsewhere on the Internet have speculated on the sexuality of Dumbledore, noting that he has no close relationship with women and a mysterious, troubled past. And explicit scenes with Dumbledore already have appeared in fan fiction.
Rowling told the audience that while working on the planned sixth Potter film, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," she spotted a reference in the script to a girl who once was of interest to Dumbledore. A note was duly passed to director David Yates, revealing the truth about her character.
Rowling, finishing a brief "Open Book Tour" of the United States, her first tour here since 2000, also said that she regarded her Potter books as a "prolonged argument for tolerance" and urged her fans to "question authority."
Not everyone likes her work, Rowling said, likely referring to Christian groups that have alleged the books promote witchcraft. Her news about Dumbledore, she said, will give them one more reason. |
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| I love Stockton..... |
[Oct. 4th, 2007|08:09 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
So last night, I'm lying in bed, and all of a sudden from behind the apartment complex, there are these people yelling at each other. I can't hear what they're saying, but it's definetely not friendly. Then out of nowhere........ BANG! BANG!
Gunshots.
Then about ten minutes later, sirens and police yelling.
................
I decided to roll over and go back to sleep at that point.
Isn't Stockton wonderful?
And just you wait for my Christmas tales this year!
-Caitlin |
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| He stole my stapler....... |
[Sep. 26th, 2007|02:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
How boring can life get? I’m sitting here at a table watching our sales guy pitch wine cabinets to a lower upper class, middle-aged, Caucasian couple. They own a masonry company in Fresno. They have 3 kids, a dog and a cat, and absolutely no taste whatsoever. The cabinet they’re planning on picking. is the basic Tuscan style, typical of Californians with no sense of fashion, only what’s popular. It’s the top selling cabinet here for that same reason.
Thank God, they’re leaving. The wife’s voice is so nasal she sounds like a 1930’s telephone operator. I was about to get up and go postal. Goodness knows there are weapons readily available not more than 30 feet from me. Nail guns, hammers, welding kits, screwdrivers, metal pipes……
White collar America makes me sad. There is such a lack of color and humor in the small rows of offices and cubicles that make up corporate bureaucracy. It’s sickening. I can just see people’s souls rising up out of their bodies every morning as they take their seats in front of their Dells; taking slow sips out of the company coffee mugs used to provide the only source of stimulation contained within the building.
It’s depressing.
It only reinforces my need not to end up here. I cannot work in this environment forever or I will surely perish.
Overdramatic? Maybe.
True? Yes.
Granted, it’s a cushy job. I basically get paid a nice sum to sit and pretend to work. Oh, sure, I have projects that need to get done (and they do), but I’m a case proving that in these types of jobs, people will only do just what they need to not get fired. Not to mention, I’m an intern, the lowest of lows. My job is to do people’s errands, and when they don’t have any for me, to look busy.
The Ten Commandments of the Company Intern (Small Business Edition):
1)Thou shalt always look interested in thine own computer screen.
2)Thou shalt always say aye to thy boss, even if thou hast no idea what thy boss speaketh.
3)Thou shalt not complete thy tasks quickly, or else fear the arrival of yet more tasks, more degrading and pointless than the first.
4)Thou shalt always take five to ten extra minutes when running errands for thy boss.
5)Thou shalt take many bathroom trips to expend time in an honorable way.
6)Thou shalt always, ALWAYS take advantage of company provided food, making sure to save some to take back to thine own apartment.
7)Thou shalt not fall asleep on thy keyboard no matter how tempting it may be. The devil is behind this and drool may break the keyboard as well as get thee fired.
8)Thou shalt check Livejournal, Xanga, Myspace, Facebook, or any other such sight at least three times a workday.
9)Thou shalt not be caught yawning, as this is a well-known sign of weakness to any upper management that may be lurking nearby.
10)Thou shalt not stay in the same place for too long. This makes thee prey to more assignments from passers-by.
I need a drink.
-Caitlin |
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